I feel liking sighing all the time

Its true, i find myself sighing and being aware of how many people sigh around me. Is this a sign of exhaustion, so tired, not sleeping, drifting in and out of sleep. I just got to remember to get through this one day, that is all i gotta do. 
I feel the envelope of memories folding over me and i discovered and see this child standing there in my minds eye, staring, lost and with this wolf by her side. I take her to a safe place and she lay down with her wolf whom she is familiar with, they are like one. She needs to rest, gather her bearings, where has she been?, where did she appear from?
Time after time she just pops up in my mind after a bout of anxiety and fear, when i stop and collect and meditate there she is. At least it is a little easier to function in between visits now, i am awear every winter along with the wolf they come, to show me another facet of my self, together we journey into the ancestors world and i gain understanding and knowledge that not many would understand.
I cant very well say to those around me oh im having flashbacks, thats how it starts, fear blown provoking thoughts and past events, the fight or flight kicks in and i spend some time working what i need to be safe from. I at this point can attract the negative that i must challenge.
Oh years and years of feeling mental and disoriented, sceared and alone. I still feel all these things but i have been awake instead of numbing myself from the inevitable for the past 6 years now.Im taking it easy now and keeping safe and the things i need to deal with apear like pop ups on a computer, less anxiety but it has been overwhelming of late. Not being able to catch my breath. It passes, just dont feak out, it gets better.
I have ironically started a canvas picture of a girl standing alone in the seft hand corner, the femine side and it has come to a halt but know it will speak to me and tel me its plans. It has roses all over it, that means blooming.
I will use that concept of blooming, the growth, greens and reds, heart charkra and root charkra. I look forward to what might be.
Blessings

Its now May 2010

Well it's May and the onset of winter is close with that comes the thoughts and fears of confinement. I once heard that we create our own prisons and it has taken some challenges and courage to see my prisons which are thoughts and feelings connected to the webs of shadows.  Fear visits me in the form of shadow and ive confronted some of them to only realise i created them.  What am i saying, i dont know but i believe if you know what im saying then youve lived like i have. Your a survivor like me and hopefully free from constraints and free to create you own boundaries.

As Above is Below

This was a doodle and i love how once i start i seem to get lost in the entrancement of the spiral going in and out.  I describe this as energy and with the indigenous they use these spirals to recognise water holes among other things. In alchemy the inward spiral represents earth and the outward spiral reflects heaven. As above is below, the opposites, the resistance one feels and can become the reason you live.  (Speaking only from myself).

I have been pondering with these thoughts and if i don't struggle against anything, inner fighting, i don't feel much life within.  I don't know if this is right or wrong, i just know it is. I search for peace but realise i thrive, or used to, on the resistance of what is out there. How intersting and i'm willing to explore this with what i feel drawn to and what i create.

Blessings all

Tracey

Whats really going on inside

A place where i can be more personal and support my art with words and feelings in depth without judgement, hoping to connect with others who are passionate and feel intensly at times and who are stricken with depression but no one would ever know.

Angel Resting

03/03/2010